3 Days Out
by FinishedFics
Summary: A few weeks have passed since the adventure of burying Todd's cleaning lady when the two are left alone once again by Jack and his men. But this weekend Todd has a meeting with Lydia in Houston that he could use Jesse's help with.
1. Thanks Todd

"Looks like it's just us again."

Jesse hadn't really been paying attention; he'd been too busy staring off at the concrete wall across from him. Jesse was sitting on his mat, his back pressed up against the wall while he propped his elbows on top of his knees. He stressed the chain that locked his ankles together, pulling them apart as far as he could. Todd's voice rung in his ears from above but he kept unmoving, like he was still processing the words but his focus couldn't be bothered to react.

"Jesse?"

"Hm?" Jesse grunted softly before tilting his chin up.

Todd stood over the grate, his wide excited eyes peered down between the bars like a child would stare at a lion in a zoo exhibit. But now Todd was studying Jesse, somewhat of a worried expression on his face.

"You okay?"

"Yeah." Jesse's voice came out as a rasp, giving a curt nod at the end of it.

"Did you hear me? That everyone left again?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah," Todd sighed as he stretched out his back. "They're dealing with some group Lydia was worried about in Nevada. And everyone wanted to go on account that they would get to stay in Vegas. So they should be there for a few days."

"Hm." Jesse turned back to his wall.

"Perfect timing cause that means I can go on my trip without them breathing down my neck."

Jesse perked up. A trickling fear of the word. "Trip?"

"Yeah I gotta go out of town." Todd nodded. "Lydia met these guys in Houston that want to expand our distribution down south and they want to make a deal with us. Lydia wants me there with her so I can give my input."

A sinking feeling was filling Jesse's chest. "Well...what about me?"

"Actually," Todd leaned over more. "I was thinking you might come with."

"You want me...to come with?"

"Sure. I thought it'd be fun." Todd shrugged. "I don't like traveling alone, plus Lydia keeps saying how she wants to check in on the state of you and stuff so maybe I could hit two birds with one stone. Also I think these guys have their own set up down there and maybe we could show you cooking. Just so they really know how good you are and what they'd be missing if they said no."

"Why don't you just, like, give them a sample?"

"We could." Todd nodded again. "But it's not as impactful, you know? Uncle Jack always tells me how important first impressions are. I think them actually _seeing_ you work would be really awesome."

Jesse blinked and looked back at his feet. "I don't know Todd...that seems pretty risky."

"No it's fine. And if anything happens, I'll take care of you. Don't worry."

Closing his eyes, Jesse took in a sharp intake of air before pushing it out slowly, letting those words roll off of him before glancing back up at Todd.

"And your Uncle's okay with this?"

Todd seemed to shift at that. His face twisting uncomfortably before looking back at Jesse. "He won't find out. We'll be back the day before they come back, don't worry."

"So he's not okay with it?"

Letting out a low sigh, Todd crossed his arms. "He wouldn't understand. But this is my business. I'm in charge of it, he told me so himself. So really he can't be mad even if he does find out."

_Then why do we have to come back a day early? _

Is what Jesse wanted to say. But he pushed too much today. Jesse already knows the answer anyways. No need to get Todd upset if he doesn't have to.

"So what do you say then?"

Jesse's eyes met Todd's eager ones once again. He sat there a second, mustering up his strength. "Todd, I don't think this is a good idea."

Todd's expression dropped along with his shoulders. He looked off past Jesse's cage a moment before scratching the back of his head. "Well...it's either this or I'll have to leave you alone in here for a couple of days."

A different fear began to grow inside Jesse. For every reason he had for not wanting to go on a road trip with Todd he had double that for being left alone in the hole for days on end.

"Can't...can't you reschedule or something?"

"If I reschedule then Kenny or Uncle Jack will want to come with me. Then I won't be able to make the negotiations myself which is really what I want the experience with." Todd gave another heavy sigh. "Also I thought you'd want a break from all this. It'd be cool to just get out of here again. Maybe recharge a bit."

"Yeah I just...I'm just worried about your uncle. That's all."

"Like I said, we'll be back before him. No problem." Todd cocked his head. "Unless you'd rather stay here alone."

_"No!"_ Jesse snapped. His voice coming out scratchy at the unfamiliar volume he set it at. Clearing his throat, Jesse dropped his voice. "I mean, no. I'd...I'd rather come with you."

Todd's face lit up. He didn't take a beat before unlocking the cage door and sliding the ladder down into the pit. The ladder's legs banged against the floor as Jesse pulled himself to his feet. He groaned at his stiff shoulders and slowly began creeping upward; his chains letting out a jangling sound that bounced off the walls around him.

When Jesse finally made it to the surface, he stood and watched as Todd pulled the ladder back up, putting it in its proper place alongside the wall of the building across from the caged hole in the ground. After that, Todd dusted off his hands and moved back in front of him. Jesse watched Todd stare him down before letting out a breath.

"So this is a long trip and that means its gonna require a lot more trust then before." He said calmly. "Now, last time can't ever happen again. You understand?"

Jesse nodded quickly. His gaze now on the ground in front of Todd.

"I didn't tell Uncle Jack about that cause I wanted to protect you. You know that right? If he had found out about that I think he would've done a lot of things that you wouldn't've liked. And I really don't want that to happen to you Jess." Todd frowned. "But if something like that ever happened again I'd have to tell him. You understand that right?"

Jesse gave another sharp desperate nod.

"Could you say it for me?"

Jesse felt his teeth clench and his eyes close as the seconds ticked by. There was a surge of emotion that hit him that Jesse was trying so desperately suppress. There was no point in feeling that way if he couldn't act on it.

Finally, his eyes met Todd's as he spoke in a half whisper. "I'll be good, I promise."

Todd smiled, nodding back to him. "I didn't think I had to say all that anyways. You understand now. Definitely."

Taking the palm of his hand, Todd patted the side of Jesse's cheek. Jesse closed his eyes again at that, keeping them closed as Todd fished for his bundle of keys from his pocket. Jesse opened his eyes again as Todd knelt down in front of him. The locks around his ankles clicked open as he pulled them off. Jesse's gaze followed Todd as he stood and took his wrists now. The chains were dropped at his knees and Todd made his way around to Jesse's back. Once the shackles were unlocked from around his waist, Todd tossed them over by the cage door.

He then made his way back in front of Jesse, his eyes glazing over him. Jesse suddenly stiffened when Todd grabbed him by his jaw. It wasn't rough or forceful. It didn't need to be, not anymore. Jesse knew what he was now. He was simply here to do with as Todd seemed fit. And that meant letting him do what he wanted without a fight. Todd raised Jesse's chin up and shifted his face from left and right, studying the grime and dirt covering his skin as he did.

"The trip is pretty long, you'll have to be cleaned up before we leave so we don't have to hide you so much." Todd let go of Jesse and waved him forward. "Come on, I got something for you."

* * *

The shower was outside. 'Some kind of work shower' is the only description that Todd could give. It reminded Jesse of those showers by the beach to rinse off sand before you go home. Maybe that was the idea, to rinse of the desert before they went inside. But Jesse doubted any of them used it. He couldn't really picture Jack or the others really caring about their sandy footprints in the house.

Jesse could feel Todd staring at him. He sat on the bench in the shade of the clubhouse. Todd was watching Jesse closely as he soaked his hair, following every move he made. Jesse was relieved he was allowed to keep his boxers on, so at least he had that shred of dignity out here in the open. Not like he had much now a days anyway. Everyone in this compound had found a way to humiliate Jesse in some form. _Dignity_ was a funny word now.

But Jesse didn't want to think about that. He wanted to think about the warm water on his back and the grime sliding off his skin and billowing at his feet before finally disappearing down the drain. He wanted to feel what it was like to be a normal person again who wasn't regularly showered with a fire hose like a car or a warehouse floor. Like he was made of flesh and bone, not plastic or concrete.

If Jesse closed his eyes he could almost forget that he was outside being watched over by Todd. He could picture himself at home in his own shower. Jesse imagined the three walls around him and the glass door off to his left. He imagined the pavement below him was actually white clean tile and it was smooth against the bottoms of his feet. And finally, Jesse imagined he was alone. No one guarding him or taunting him. He was just alone in the shower, cleaning himself up for the new day.

Jesse was snapped out of his simple fantasy when he began using the pungent men's conditioner that Todd had given him. As he lathered it in the soap, Jesse ran his fingers through his hair. It was so long. Longer then it had ever been.

Jesse hated it.

His hair was just something else for them to touch. To grab. To yank. To pull. He hated his hair. He wanted to rip it out piece by piece but that wouldn't go over well with Todd. Jesse would've preferred the pain with his hair to the other option. While Jack's men used it against Jesse, Todd would try and do the opposite. He'd pet it if Jesse had done something good or complemented it on a day he felt the need to, saying it was soft or shiny or that he liked to color. Each one made Jesse sick to his stomach.

One day, Jesse had begged Todd for a pair of scissors so he could cut his hair himself. Todd had said, "Why would you want to do that? I think it looks much better like this."

After that, Jesse didn't ever ask again. That's when he knew any choices about even himself were in the hands of Todd to make _for_ him.

The shower head made a _chunk_ sound as Jesse flipped it off. He looked down and watched the last of his dirt slip down the drain before he looked up at Todd. Now, with the water off, Jesse became cold. He wrapped his arms around himself as he shivered in the cool breeze that blew past the clouded morning sky. Jesse had guessed it was winter. No clue what month it was now, but it was much too cold to be anything else.

He stood there shivering a moment. When Jesse realized Todd was waiting on him, he began making his way across the pavement into the shade.

Jesse stood in front of Todd a second before speaking. "Um...can I get a towel?"

"Oh yeah-" Todd reached over and picked up the clean towel from beside him. He held it out for Jesse to take. "There you go."

Quickly, Jesse wiped his face first. Then he moved to his legs and shoulders before finally not being able to stand the cold anymore and wrapping himself tightly in the towel. He hugged himself together, his eyes squinted shut.

"Here, let me help."

Jesse opened to eyes to see Todd had grabbed another towel. He stood in front of him and draped it over Jesse's head. He flinched for a second before Todd began drying out his soaking hair. He stayed in place as Todd worked on it before finally pulling the towel off.

"There you go." He grinned before dropping the towel back on the bench. Todd then looked over Jesse's hair again before letting out a thoughtful sigh. "Here, let me..."

Jesse stiffened again, gripping his towel like it was some kind of defense as Todd approached him. Todd didn't hesitate to run his fingers through Jesse's hair, smoothing it out and placing it nice and neatly on his head.

When he was done, Todd stepped back to admire his work. A small proud smile on his lips. "There we go. It's fluffy but not too fluffy." His eyes met Jesse's. "I read that in some magazine that woman like it best when you can balance messy hair with neat."

"Makes you look like you're not trying to hard." Jesse nodded.

"Exactly." Todd smiled again. "My hair doesn't really work well with that but yours is like, perfect. Like magazine model perfect."

Jesse wished he had a lighter so he could burn his magazine modelhair right off.

"I also got you some new clothes since we're gonna be out in public." Todd moved back to the bench. "You're gonna need something that's gonna fit you better than my old stuff."

Todd dropped the pile of new clothes in the seat beside him for Jesse to see. Slowly approaching the folded stack, Jesse reached down and picked up a pair of black boxers. A couple seconds went by and Jesse realized Todd wasn't planning on giving him any privacy. So, towel in hand, Jesse maneuvered it at his waist. One hand kept his privacy screen up and the other struggled to make the change. The wet cloth clung to his skin, making the swap much more difficult then it would've been. A few grunts and sighs later, Jesse had finally replaced the old and soaking for the new and dry.

His dignity, debatably, in tact.

Jesse then dropped the towel on the bench and picked up a pair of dark jeans. They were much skinnier then the baggy pants he had and when he slipped them on they fit him perfectly. Jesse caught sight of another proud smile on Todd. Obviously happy he had guessed Jesse's size right. Jesse looped the belt through the jeans and looked down at the shirt. Taking it carefully in his hands, Jesse held it up so he could get a better look at it. It was a black long sleeve with the faint outline of a gray skull printed on the front.

"I remembered you used to wear a lot of dark stuff with skulls on it." Todd nodded. "I thought you might like that one."

"Thanks Todd." Jesse said as he slipped the shirt over.

'Thanks Todd' had become most of Jesse's vocabulary at this point. It didn't matter if he meant it or not, it was just what Jesse said. The words had engraved themselves in his lips and on his tongue. He'd gotten so used to thanking him, Jesse would find himself accidentally saying it to people or things that weren't Todd. If something decent happened to Jesse, anything at all that wasn't immediate pain or torture, Jesse would thank Todd. Cause that's what he was supposed to do. Jesse had started to think that's what he was always meant to do.

His socks and shoes were the same. Just cleaned and washed. Jesse had forgotten his shoes used to be gray. He'd been working with them black for so long he had forgotten the color; much like him, Jesse thought. His shoes were the one thing in this place that belonged to him completely. The one thing they hadn't taken from him. And they too were stained and frayed from being in this place. Jesse was sure if he caught himself in a mirror he would've forgotten what his skin looked like without the dirt and black too.

Jesse turned around to see Todd holding up a leather jacket. It was black with a hood hanging off the back. Todd grinned excitedly as he held out the gift. "I thought you could use a jacket too. Lydia says it's pretty cold down there this time of year." He dropped the jacket in Jesse's hands. "Plus, you've been doing so great lately. Like, A+ work and behaving really, really good; I thought you deserved something cool."

Jesse looked over the jacket. It must've been expensive.

"Thanks Todd."

He slipped it over his shoulders. The cuffs of the sleeves hung past his wrists and the inside of the coat was soft and warm. It was just a couple sizes too big but Jesse didn't mind. He preferred jackets like that anyways. They made him feel like a turtle, protected in his shell that he could easily slip inside if there was danger. Of course that wasn't a real strategy, but the thought of it was nice.

"Pretty badass right?"

"Yeah." Jesse nodded. "Badass."

"I have some more stuff you can wear for the trip in a bag. Everything's packed in the car, you ready?"

Jesse looked up from the jacket. "Yeah." He eyed Todd before giving another short nod. "Yeah, I'm ready."


	2. Cherry Blossoms

Todd drove first.

They had made it out of the compound and onto the open road. He had tried to make a few bits of conversation at the beginning but Jesse wasn't giving him much back. Instead, Jesse just stared off at the landscape outside his window. He gave Todd a couple nods and hmms of agreement but nothing much else. Todd eventually gave up and raised the volume on his music, letting its soft notes play through the speakers.

Todd wished Jesse would talk more with him. He liked talking to Jesse. Jesse was different from everyone else he'd ever met. He was calm and nice and let Todd talk about whatever he wanted without making fun of him.

Jesse used to be mean sometimes but Todd knew that's just because he was confused. Mr. White had told Todd that Jesse had a problem seeing reason. He experienced that first hand when Jesse punched him after shooting that kid. Jesse would get angry. Angry in a way like no one he'd ever seen. It was this desperate sad anger that was fascinating to Todd. Jesse was strange. He felt things that Todd couldn't quite understand. It was like the emotions Jesse would feel were too big for his little body. He would shake and cry and wail and scream and growl and shatter. The emotions would bubble over and explode. It always seemed like Jesse was about to tear at the seams and he had to fight every part of his body to keep himself together.

Anytime Jesse would get like that it would overwhelm Todd into wanting to tap into him. Just to understand what any of that might feel like. But since Todd couldn't do that, he'd have to just watch in awe.

But Jesse was almost never like that now. Now Jesse was calm and relaxed. He did whatever Todd said as soon as he said it. Todd liked that. He liked when Jesse was nice and friendly. It was a lot better that way.

They drove on for a couple hours until Todd had to pull over for gas. Jesse stayed in the car as Todd filled up the tank. He asked if Jesse needed the bathroom. Jesse said no. Todd had used the restroom and bought a few things from inside before heading back. A slight fear tugged at the back of Todd's head. A fear that Jesse might've run off or called the cops while he was out. But of course, Todd was wrong. Jesse stayed put. His eyes glazed over as he continued to stare out the side window. Todd smiled. Jesse has been good, just as he promised.

The door creaked as Todd climbed inside. "Do you like Coke or Sprite better?"

Jesse's eyes were fixated on a family piling into the RV that was parked on the other side of the gas pump.

"Jess?"

He tore his eyes away from the laughing kids before he caught Todd's gaze; almost like he hadn't noticed that he'd gotten back into the car with him.

"Oh uh Coke, please."

Todd nodded and handed off the can. "I got chips and stuff too if you want."

"Thanks." Jesse nodded. Not making a move for the bag Todd had placed between them.

Todd let the silence spill in after he cracked open his Sprite can. Jesse stared at his soda for a bit, thumbing at the aluminum tab until he realized Todd was looking at him. Seeing this, he finally opened the can and drank.

The sound of the highway rumbled beside them as they sat drinking their drinks and Todd chewed on his chips.

Once his soda was empty, Todd looked back at Jesse. "Do you think you can drive for a bit?"

Jesse turned up to Todd. A disbelieving look in his eye. "You want me to drive?"

"Yeah, I'm kinda tired."

Jesse glanced down before nodding. "Okay."

The two switched seats. Todd watched Jesse slide into the driver's seat before he handed over the keys. Jesse felt the weight of them in his hands before slowly starting the ignition; he glanced back at Todd, as if to ask if this was still alright. Todd gave him no reason to stop so he put his hands on the steering wheel.

Todd popped a stick of gum in his mouth as he watched Jesse settle in the seat. He felt over the wheel and looked out the windshield. Jesse's breath picked up a second as he pressed down the break before shifting into gear. Easing out of the gas station, the two were back on the highway.

Jesse was steady at the wheel. Todd could tell he was trying real hard to be safe. Probably so Todd wouldn't think Jesse was trying anything. That made him grin. He liked that Jesse was trying so hard to prove himself. It helped reinforce to Todd that he was getting it.

About fifteen minutes went by in the quiet car before Todd glanced down at his phone sitting in the cup holder.

"You wanna pick something?"

Jesse glanced at him before spotting the phone in his hands as Todd plugged in the AUX cord. "Music?"

"Yeah."

"Uh yeah, sure."

Todd handed him the phone. Jesse scrolled through the massive library that Todd had subscribed to, carful to check the road ahead of him every other second. Todd had expected some kind of loud obnoxious hip hop song to blast through his speakers or ear splitting metal. That just seemed like the kind of music someone like Jesse would like. But that's not what he picked. Instead, a relaxed acoustic rock song gently took the air. It was light and happy. Todd liked it and found himself tapping along to the drum beat.

The song played on and Todd glanced back at Jesse to see something he had never seen before. Jesse's face had gone soft. His eyes bright and a tiny faint smile played over his lips. There was a sudden lightness in Jesse that wasn't there before, like the song had breathed some old life back into him. Todd couldn't help but smile too.

Jesse had picked a couple more songs just like it afterward. Todd took note of each one he liked. About the sixth song in was when Jesse suddenly picked a much slower one then the rest. Single guitar strings played behind a whispered singer.

_We are the reckless, we are the wild youth  
Chasing visions of our futures  
One day, we'll reveal the truth  
That one will die before he gets there_

The song was much sadder then the other ones Jesse had picked. Todd shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

_Well, I've lost it all, I'm just a silhouette  
I'm a lifeless face that you'll soon forget  
And my eyes are damp from the words you left  
Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest_

Todd looked back at Jesse to see his face had changed again. The light had vanished. Now Jesse looked sad. His eyes were fixated on something far off in the horizon; glazed over like he was somewhere else in this moment. Like how Jesse would get when they worked. He was lost in a dream or a memory.

_And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one  
'Cause most of us are bitter over someone  
Setting fire to our insides for fun  
To distract our hearts from ever missing them_

Jesse's eyes had become watery and Todd could make out tears forming in the corners of them.

_And you caused it  
And you caused it  
_

After that, Todd didn't let Jesse pick the music anymore.

Time went on and the mood let up. Todd's yacht rock took the air after Jesse had wiped his eyes and the two continued their journey onward.

After about twenty minutes, Todd looked back over at Jesse. He always glanced over at him; just to check up and make sure things were still going as smoothly as Todd imagined. But this time he truly looked over Jesse. Todd saw how he had sort of wrapped himself in the jacket and held the steering wheel. He looked comfortable, his eyes glued to the road ahead.

"What do you think of the jacket?"

Jesse blinked before recognizing the question. "I like it. Thanks."

"It's not too big or anything?"

"No. I like bigger jackets anyways."

"It's too big?"

"No dude." Jesse shook his head exhaustedly. "It's awesome Todd. Seriously, I love it."

He smiled proudly. Todd replayed Jesse's compliment in his head for the rest of the song.

"I got it at this mini mall." He continued. "I wasn't really looking for a jacket there but I saw that one and I was like 'that's totally Jesse.'" Todd chuckled.

"A mini mall?"

"Yeah. They have lots of cool shit there from all over the place. One time I saw a katana that a real samurai had used. Supposedly anyways."

"That's cool."

"Yeah. It was pretty awesome." Todd shrugged. "I got this globe there that you pug in everyplace you've ever been and it lights those places up on it. I haven't really been out of the country so it's pretty dark right now."

"You wanna travel?"

"Oh yeah definitely." Todd thought a moment before an idea floated into his head. "If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?"

Jesse seemed to tense up at that. He glanced over to see Todd's face who stayed completely doe eyed; entirely unaware of the cruelty of asking a slave a question like that.

_"Home." _Jesse mumbled.

"Where?"

"Alaska." He decided to answer instead. "I'd wanna go there."

"Alaska." Todd repeated.

That's not what he had expected from Jesse. He thought he'd say Las Vegas or Florida like Uncle Jack and them might. Todd grinned again. It was another reason he liked Jesse so much. Every time he thought he knew it all, Jesse said or did something that surprised him.

"It's supposed to be really pretty there. That's a good choice."

"Snow and trees." Jesse nodded.

"Really different from New Mexico."

"Yeah..."

There was an ache in that word as Jesse spoke it. A longing desperate ache in his voice that seemed to breathe from his chest. But of course, Todd didn't hear it.

"I don't know if I'd do so good with the freezing cold." Todd went on. "I'd definitely go somewhere cooler than here but probably not that cold."

"Where would you go?"

"Hmm." He thought. "Probably Japan."

"Japan's good." Jesse nodded.

"I've always wanted to go. With all their cool stores and fish markets."

"You could ride that train." Jesse nodded.

"Yeah. And they have these gardens with those trees with the pink flowers."

"Cherry blossoms."

"Yeah, cherry blossoms!"

"You could stay in one of those pod hotels."

Todd looked back at Jesse. "What's that?"

"It's this hotel where you rent out a tiny room that's just a bed and nothing else. I saw this guy on the discovery channel stay in one once. Looked cool."

That didn't sound cool. It sounded cramped and boring. But if Jesse said something was cool then more than likely, it was. He'd put it on the list.

"Have you tried sushi?" Todd asked.

"Yeah. It's good."

"I haven't tried it. Uncle Jack said raw fish is disgusting so I never got around to tasting it."

"Most sushi actually isn't raw."

Todd narrowed his eyes back at him. "Really?"

"Yeah. It's just served cold so people think it is." Jesse shrugged. "Most sushi is cooked."

Todd grinned again. Jesse was so smart. Maybe just as smart as Ms. Quayle. They both seemed to have the answers for everything, even stuff he thought he already knew.

Picking up his phone, Todd pulled up the map. "Maybe I can try and find a sushi place by our hotel for dinner. Then you could show me what I should order."

"Our hotel?" Jesse shifted. "We're not driving straight there?"

"Oh no, I booked us a room at the halfway point so you could rest up and stuff for the cook tomorrow."

Jesse pressed his lips together. "I'm just worried we're gonna be late is all."

"Don't worry, I have it all planed out. I'm not supposed to meet Ms. Quayle and them until tomorrow afternoon anyways." Todd nodded up from his phone. "And we're still making great time."

Jesse stayed quiet as Todd clicked through a list of sushi places. Thoughts raced through his head as he sat there, eyes watching the car tail ahead of him.

"Hey Todd."

"Yeah?" He said without looking up from the screen.

"You're really bringing me out here to cook right?"

"Yeah."

"Just to show them what they're missing out on if they say no?"

"Yeah." Todd looked up now. "Why?"

"If..." Jesse bit his lip. His breath caught in his throat. "If this is...it. You can tell me. I won't run or anything like that."

"_It_?" Todd squinted. "What do you mean?"

"If you guys are driving me way to hell out here to-" Jesse looked up at Todd to find him starring back at him. A dumbfounded look in his eyes. He let out a sigh and turned to the road once more. "Never mind."

"I don't know what you're saying Jesse but you're just going to cook for them. That's all."

Jesse let out a soft breath. "Okay."


	3. Sushi

Todd hated sushi. That much Jesse could tell.

He had sat across the table with his empty plate in front of him, praying Todd would choke on the next California roll he forced down his throat. Jesse had watched the man put three rolls in his mouth while dishing out false complements before saying he was full and pushing his plate away. He was sure Todd would order room service once they got to the hotel.

Jesse could hear his own bitter laugh echo in his head as he stared at Todd. The way he would so desperately claw for Jesse's attention and validation was mesmerizing. It put a nauseous pit in his stomach every time he saw Todd smile at him when he'd receive any. As if Todd had forgotten that he was holding a gun to the back of a little boy's head to keep Jesse in line. As if Jesse was a friend or a brother who actually enjoyed his company. Jesse quickly shook that thought from his head. No. He was neither of those things to Todd. To Todd he was a pet. A thing to collect and keep for himself. Another materialistic toy for this dopey-eyed kingpin to play with.

The feeling was sick and gave Jesse the shakes. But even knowing that, Todd still desired Jesse's approval. And that must've been the worst part of all of this.

Being treated with kindness and soft words while in chains was doing something to Jesse's mind. He could feel it and there was nothing he could do about it.

It was breaking him. Food and clothes became a privilege and Jesse was starting to believe it. A day without humiliation or a beating was grace and Todd's casual chitchat was a blessing from the ringing in his ears. Jesse was learning a new way of life and it was becoming natural. The basic treatments in the real world were starting to fade into rare gifts and Todd wasn't helping.

The way he spoke to Jesse in his matter-of-fact tone, as if they always talked like this, as if everything he said was rational and justified; it was convincing Jesse he was the insane one. For wanting freedoms or choices for himself, Todd, without trying, was convincing Jesse he was crazy for thinking these things. As if he didn't deserve basic needs and he deserved the cage and his work. Jesse could feel himself slipping away and falling into nothingness because of this.

The others hollered and hit him. These things reminded Jesse who they were, but not Todd. Todd was Jesse's care taker. Jesse's protector. Jesse's owner. He fed him, talked to him, gave him rewards and words of encouragement. This was causing the slip. If Todd treated him like a slave then Jesse might still feel in control of his head. Still have a clear view of the person in front of him. But he didn't, and that was making Jesse forget. That was making Jesse desperate.

Todd gave another compliment about the sushi, Jesse read it on his lips but he couldn't hear it. His mind was long gone, as it usually was; disappearing into memories or dreams to cope in desperate moments.

It was only a few months ago that Todd shot Andrea. The child sitting across from him who was trying to convince _cool kid Jesse_that he liked his taste in food- had forced him to watch, bound and gagged, as he killed the love of his life right in front of him.

"Remember, there's still a kid."

Jack's words settled in Jesse's ears as Todd shut the car door behind him. Kenny held his legs down as Todd grabbed at his shoulders, the two trying to keep him still as he continued to wail and scream. His throat went raw at the pained noises coming from it. Tears, blood, sweat and spit covered his faces as he thrashed against them. Jesse's blurry vision followed Andrea's stoop as the van shifted gears and they began rolling down the street; her body disappearing from sight.

"Would you shut him the hell up?!" Jack yelled out eventually. "That gag's not doing shit."

Jesse continued crying. The street lights took most of his sight as the flares stretched across his watery view. He didn't care though, Jesse continued to fight against the binds and his captures hands to look through the window; as if he might see it was just a sick prank and Andrea was truly fine. That he had imagined the nightmare. His screams had become cracked and chipped glass but Jesse continued on. He was sure even if he wanted to stop he couldn't. That he would be forced to scream and weep for the rest of eternity.

Todd's hand suddenly appeared over his mouth, holding on tightly and muffling Jesse's voice. This made him thrash and cry harder but only for a moment. Eventually it became hard to breathe and Jesse went still, focusing on taking in choking breaths through his nose. He coughed and sputtered until his breathing evened out some, the fear of suffocation turning his cries into sniffles.

Jesse felt his body go limp- other than the trembling and the few pained moans that escaped his mouth. His head fell back into Todd's lap and legs into Kenny's as any strength he had once held onto slipped away.

Fingers began running through Jesse's hair as Todd's hand loosened around his mouth.

"It's okay now." Todd whispered. "Shh shh, it's alright."

As Todd hushed and pet him was when Jesse felt that first truly sick feeling. How he wanted comfort more than anything in this moment but the last person he wanted it from was Andrea's murderer. How the hands that pulled the trigger now brushing through his hair and held him still on his lap.

Jesse felt the bile rising his his throat as he shivered and moaned against his strangled tears.

It felt like hours before the van jerked to a stop. Everyone but Jesse clambered out, Todd's door left open. Jesse stayed still, huffing against the back seat as he let his cheek stay glued against the leather. He looked like a collapsed puppet. With his strings cut, nothing was going to move on it's own.

"Uncle Jack?" Todd's voice came from somewhere nearby. "Can I take him back myself?"

"Like shit. Last time I left this rat to you he almost escaped."

"But he didn't." Todd argued. "I was watching remember? I just think he'll get this better if I talk to him alone for a second. And look at him, he's not going anywhere."

"Yeah Toddie just wants an excuse to play faggot with him!" Someone laughed.

Jesse heard a punch and the guy stopped laughing. No other punches came after that so that meant it was Jack that threw the blow. A low threat was made to the other man but Jesse couldn't care enough to try and make it out. His mind was elsewhere anyways.

"Go ahead Todd." Jack spoke up now. "Just be quick."

The rest of the men retreated and it was just Todd and Jesse again. The air stilled out to crickets and outdoor lamps humming in the night. The sound of gravel crunching came before Todd appeared in front of Jesse, leaning inside the van with careful eyes. Gently, Todd took Jesse's gag and pulled out out of his mouth. Jesse heaved a moment before falling still again.

"Can you get out for me Jesse?"

He didn't budge.

Todd let out a sigh before rubbing Jesse's shoulder, the touch forcing him to flinch. "I really need you to cooperate right now Jess. I promise things will be a lot better if you do. I'll be sure of it."

Jesse didn't move until Jack's words drifted back to him.

_"Remember, there's still a kid."_

At that, Jesse slowly pulled himself up. Todd kept hold of his shoulder as he did, trying to help him as much as he could. Almost as soon as Jesse stepped out of the van, his legs buckled underneath him. The weight of everything was suddenly hitting him. Jesse didn't even have the strength to stand on his own.

Todd caught him around the waist and helped half carry Jesse back toward the cage. The closer they got, the more Jesse's feet would drag. More sniffling tears streamed down his cheeks as his eyes settled on the familiar bars.

He was so sure he'd never see them again. Yet here he was. A slave more than ever.

It took a bit of improv to get Jesse down the ladder. He was practically sliding down the last few rungs as his grip was all but none existent. Once in the pit, Todd helped him onto his mat before picking up the chains. Todd slipped the photo and paper clip in his pocket before he cut Jesse's binds and replaced them with the chains. Jesse remained shaking in silence.

"How does that feel?" Todd asked, giving the ankle cuffs a tug. "Is that too tight?"

"You...killed her..."

Jesse's rasp caught Todd's gaze. Looking up, he saw Jesse's eyes were filled with rage and hatred, piercing into Todd with every bit of strength he had left.

"Oh no." Todd shook his head before scooting closer. A reflection of pity in his face as he stared over Jesse. "I know how it seems that way but that's not true you know." He nodded. "_You_ killed her."

Jesse's face suddenly twisted. The anger vanished as the words sunk in his skin. More tears billowed in his eyes as he felt the voice in his head agree. It was his fault. All his. And he believed it. Every single bit.

Jesse couldn't help but nod back to Todd before he broke into another mournful sob. He pulled his face into his knees and held himself there. He was falling apart more than ever. His body was filled with an empty pain he'd never felt.

Or it was until Todd wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into a half hug in an attempt of comfort, Jesse guessed. More hushes and whispers were placed in his ear as Todd continued stroking his hair and rubbing his shoulder.

"Shh, shh. It's over Jesse, you don't have to worry now. Things are going to get a lot better. You're alright. I promise."

Every touch burned like white hot fire and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Jesse?"

The voice across the table snapped him back into present day. Todd was staring at him with those dumbfounded eyes he always seemed to have for Jesse.

"You okay?"

"Mhm- yeah." Jesse tried to shake the memory off. "What did you say?"

"Did you want the rest of mine?"

The queasy feeling from the memory still clung to his stomach as he looked at Todd's plate.

"No thanks."


	4. Door Number Three

"You sure you're okay down there?"

"It's fine man. Promise."

Todd felt bad making Jesse sleep on the floor but there wasn't much of an option. It didn't make much sense for Todd to check into a two bed room by himself. After check in, Todd snuck Jesse in through the back and up to the room.

He had given Jesse a couple pillows. Hotels always gave you too many pillows anyways so Todd was happy to share. With those and the throw blanket, Jesse had the means for his bed. Before he could put it together though, Todd gave Jesse his sleepwear. A tshirt for some intense band Todd didn't recognize -but he assumed Jesse would- and sweatpants. Jesse thanked him and changed in the bathroom.

After Todd came back out from changing his own clothes was when his room service had arrived. Jesse pulled his pillows and blanket back, hiding behind Todd's bed as the food was let in.

Todd sat at the end of the bed; his platter of spaghetti beside him as he flipped through the tv. He scanned the channels for a while but nothing looked familiar. Todd then looked back down at Jesse. He'd finished fixing his bed beneath Todd and had curled up in the pillows.

"Do you wanna watch something?"

Jesse stayed there a moment, like he hadn't caught the question before rolling over. He looked up at Todd and nodded.

"Sure."

He sat up, pressing his back against the mattress before Todd waved him on to the bed; giving him permission to sit beside him.

Jesse climbed next to Todd, sitting cross cross with his hands in his lap.

"Did you watch a lot of tv?" Todd asked.

_Did you watch._ It was like Todd was speaking about some previous life for Jesse.

"Yeah." He nodded blankly.

"You wanna pick something? I don't watch much."

Jesse scanned the guide as Todd flipped through it; his brain churning to remember all the names and what shows they were attached to. His eyes finally settled on one.

"The Discovery channel." He pointed. "I watched that a lot at night."

Todd ate his food as Jesse rested his chin in the palm of his hand, his eyes fixated on the screen.

"What's this one about?" Todd asked through his food.

"This dude goes around to different countries and learns about other cultures and the history of them."

"Don't you watch that kind of stuff in school?"

"No this is super interesting. He goes and interviews isolated people and tries to inform the world on their way of life. School always waters it down and skips the dark details but he's like, brutally honest about everything."

Maybe that's why Jesse was so smart. He really was interested in stuff like this. Not Todd. It was hard to focus on and Todd found himself tuning out. Once his plate was empty, he leaned back on the bed, watching from behind Jesse.

They had turned out the lights -or more accurately, had Jesse do it- so only the flashes of the tv glowed in the room now. Jesse stayed watching the show intensely as Todd began to drift off in the dark. A few minutes passed before Jesse heard his snores. He glanced back to see Todd under the covers sprawled out on his side, fast asleep.

Jesse watched the other man sleep a moment. His eyes blinking at him before he turned back to the tv screen; the credits from the show rolling in front of him.

Pressing his lips together, Jesse picked up the remote and pressed the power button. The tv made a clicking hiss sound before plunging the room into darkness. The room stayed that way a second before Jesse's eyes adjusted to the light. Long strips of blinds hide the balcony off to the left. Well, almost hide it, other then the amber glow from the street lamps that filtered through the cracks of the plastic slats.

Jesse's eyes shifted from the balcony door to Todd's jacket which was tossed beside him. His mind churned before he pulled himself to his feet.

Looking over Todd again, Jesse whispered. _"Todd?"_ The snores continued on before Jesse leaned a little closer. _"Todd!"_

No answer. Jesse breathed relief.

He kept still a little longer before hesitantly reaching into the jacket pocket. Inside, Jesse caught hold of Todd's cigarette carton and lighter. With a tightness in his wrists, Jesse retrieved the two items and backed out.

Todd stayed in blissful sleep as Jesse snuck onto the balcony, ever so slowly with opening and closing the door. Jesse let out another breath once the door was shut and it was just him in the cool night air. He turned back to the railing and rested his elbows on it before looking out ahead.

Their room had a wonderful view of the parking lot and the bus stop beside the access road.

Jesse's eyes wandered up to the sky. They were out in the boonies it seemed. Little to no light pollution meant plenty of stars to look at. Jesse felt a flutter in his chest at the sight. Crickets chirped around him and gusts of cold breezes blew by, whistling at the corners of the building.

It was a perfect night.

Jesse pulled a cigarette from the carton and placed it between his lips. Shielding it from the wind with one hand, Jesse lit up before sliding both items in his pocket. He then gave it one long drag, feeling his shoulders drop before exhaling through his nose; the smoke spilling out of him before he continued to puff on the cigarette.

Todd wouldn't notice the cigarette missing. Jesse knew that. He thinks even if he did take notice, Todd wouldn't be mad. Jesse could've asked him for one earlier and he might've actually given it to him. But something about taking the cigarette without Todd knowing was satisfying. Knowing that him, Jesse Pinkman, had a moment that was entirely to himself and no one else.

Jesse felt himself chuckle. It was almost uncontrollably. When Jesse noticed, he tried to stop. He didn't understand why he'd be laughing at this thought. Maybe he really was that broken. He didn't have control of his own reactions now and he was running on this suppressed primal feeling.

Pulling the cigarette away, Jesse covered his mouth with his free hand, trying to hold himself still. His involuntary chuckle becoming a muffle. Slowly, Jesse's breathing evened out and he felt both of his hands get back on the steering wheel inside his head. Jesse blinked a few times before taking another long drag on the cigarette and resting the side of his face in the other hand; his eyes on the stars.

"Hey!"

Jesse's eyes flashed below him before settling on a small group of teens. One girl with long dark hair stumbled next to her friend as she pointed up at the balcony.

"Yeah you!"

Jesse froze. All their eyes were on him as she pointed, clearly on him and him alone.

Oh shit. Did she recognize him? Would they call the cops? Should he try to cover himself? Tell him he's related to Jesse Pinkman, or he's just got one of those faces. Or...maybe he shouldn't do anything. Maybe this is a good thing. The cops come, they arrest him and Todd, maybe Jesse can get Brock into protective custody before Jack's men get to him. If the cops listen to him that is. And then Jesse will spend out the rest of his days behind bars. That wouldn't be much different from now anyways; but at least it would all be over, truly. The sweet relief of everything being over.

"You wanna come party with us?!" The girl hiccuped.

Jesse narrowed his eyes.

Her friend leaned in. "Jen, leave him alone."

"What? He's cute. And he looks sad -are you sad?!" She yelled out that last part.

"Sorry dude, she's been drinking since nine." One of the others in her group called up to him.

"You look like you could use a party. Come down and join us!" She waved Jesse on.

"Come on Jen." The first friend began to drag her towards the bus stop. "Leave the dude alone."

"You should change your mind!" She hiccuped again. "Live fast and live free!" She chanted that last line like it was a mantra, flashing Jesse a wide painted smile before following after her group.

When their attention disappeared from him, Jesse felt a deep sigh of relief that was quickly followed by a heartbreaking longing to be caught. His gentle easy moment with his stolen cigarette was broken by the terrible memory of his imprisonment. That no matter where he turned, he would never be free. There was no door number three.

It was this terrible claustrophobic feeling. His lungs were tight and his skin was hot under the sudden weight of his leather jacket. Jesse almost felt like he couldn't breathe. No. He didn't feel it, he really couldn't. Jesse dropped the cigarette. The ambers dusted the air around it as it hit the concrete foundation of the balcony, leaving a black marked crater where it landed. Jesse pressed his hand against his chest as the panic seemed to spill over.

_"Live fast and live free!"_

The girls words rang back to him. Jesse found himself looking out past the balcony, his eyes landing on the now crowded bus stop. His breathing steadying.

Maybe there was a door number three.

* * *

Jesse has thrown Todd's wallet into his bag as he snuck out of the hotel room. He could still hear the man's snores as he rushed down the hallway, clambering down the stairs and out the back exit. Shoving open the heavy door, Jesse looked around the wide chipped parking lot until his eyes landed on the neon blue glow beside the access road. The large white bus hissed to a stop beside the crowd of people.

Seeing this, Jesse took off into a sprit; tearing at the tar beneath him. He shuffled to a halt once in the light of the bus stop just as the folding door creaked open. Jesse watched the people ahead of him climb on board with anticipation. Jen, the girl who yelled at him earlier, caught sight of him through the bus window, giving Jesse an excited wave and pointing down at him to her seated friends. Jesse couldn't help but smile and wave back.

Eventually, everyone was on the bus except himself. Jesse had been tapping his foot and fidgeting with his backpack strap the whole wait but now that it was his time to board, his feet were glued to the sidewalk. He was stuck. Chained to the edge of the bus stop for a reason he couldn't explain.

"Hey kid, you coming?"

Jesse blinked at the drivers question.

_Yes! Yes I'm going. I'm going far far away!_

He opened his mouth but the words weren't coming out. It was as if each consonant was caught on the inside of his throat and all he could do was stand there and stare.

"Look, I can't wait for crazy. Either get on board or stay here."

Jesse's eyes became watery. It was as if he was paralyzed. His brain pushing against an invisible force that refused to let him take another step forward.

The bus driver scoffed and shook his head. "Kids these days will smoke anywhere."

Only when the bus door closed and the vehicle pulled away, was when Jesse able to move again. His lungs deflated defeatedly and his shoulders drooped. Jesse stood in the buzzing light of the empty bus stop for what felt like hours before he turned back around and headed into the hotel. The air silent and his chest eerily vacant.

* * *

Opening Todd's wallet, Jesse pulled the key card out from inside and opened the room door. Todd was still in bed fast asleep and completely unaware. Jesse wasn't surprised. As quietly as he could manage, Jesse put the rest of the room back the way it was before slipping off his shoes and sliding off his jacket.

He flopped onto the soft clean pillow and curled up in his spot on the floor. The tears had dried to his cheeks now as he closed his eyes. Todd's snores were quickly drowned out by the humming of the air conditioner as it kicked in. Jesse focused on his own breathing, feeling the slight rise and fall of his chest as his body went lax. The night pulling him deep inside himself as sleep finally found him on the floor.


End file.
